I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
