I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
