You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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