I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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