ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
