I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
