when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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