seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
