i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
