wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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