Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
