i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
