I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
