I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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