If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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