I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
