Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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