Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
