I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
