Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
