Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
