The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
