hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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