they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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