Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sponge bath it is.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
