i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
