She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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