apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
