I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm having to shit out rocks
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
