i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
