This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
