His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
