exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
