We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
