Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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