And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
