It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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