Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
