MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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