The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
