I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
