You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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