I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
