How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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