...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
