imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
wow bdsm is so cute
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
