One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
