FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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