i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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