Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
