words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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