it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
