We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
