Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
