I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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