She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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