There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just found a bag of teeth...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
