so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
