I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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