My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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