ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
As shirtless as possible
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
