oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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