You can't motorboat a personality
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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