can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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